Looking back on 2010 =)

"When faced with two choices, simply toss a coin. It works not because it settles the question for you, but because in that brief moment when the coin is in the air, you suddenly know what you're hoping for."- No Idea


I am in a horrible mood (I always find these great times to publicly record my thoughts, for some reason). I'm not sad, just BLAAAHH. Like one of those moods where my soul could be rotting in an underground cave, and I’d just be like, “Oh, that sucks. I think I’m going to watch the same pointless movie again.”
I am WORN OUT! I am so stressed I could cry!!! I just have no will to apply to any more colleges or do anymore work. I’m tired, and I’m pissed because I overloaded myself with too many AP classes and too many online classes. What the heck is with these online classes anyway? Gosh, it’s the stupidest idea, but of course, I think it’s great. If I was capable of learning anything from a computer I would drop out of school and google all day. Argg. Depending on how this entry pans out, I’m either going to finish writing my essay for Brown or bake some brownies. (Ha! I wasn’t even planning on the Brown-brownie thing. I must be a literary genius!)
I’m definitely leaning toward the latter.
Okay, Virginia, why are you even applying to Brown? Don’t you think Yale, Harvard, and D-mouth are enough?? I hate you for already sending your fee waiver request there. Just kidding, Virginia, I don’t hate you. Oh and you already sent some recommendation letters there too… well. That’s okay. You didn’t know the essays were going to be this obnoxious.. Granted, you should have checked…
BLARRGGG!! Okay anyways! Reflective blog on 2010!

January- I made some stupid decisions. I also decided, rashly as I make all decisions in my life ( Don't worry, this ended up being a really good decision) to audition for Wizard of Oz, mainly because Robbie begged me too. I love Robbie so much, when I remember this. I was cast as the Wicked Witch of the West.

February- I made another smart decision.

March- I took a fun trip to the water plant with AP Chemistry, and also a fun trip to Miami with my engineering team. I continued busying myself with school work. A very good month, might I add :)

April- This month was the opening night of Wizard of Oz!! It was simultaneously exhausting and thrilling, and infinitely rewarding. Elaine came down to see it, and it definitely put some more happy into my life.

May- AP exams! After that, AP chem and I had a blast! Two words- smoke bombs ;) I also watched my seniors graduate and listened to lovely speeches given by Elena and Kevin. I realized that in just a year, it would be me up on that stage. Most importantly, I started reading about my hot new boyfriend, Harry Potter.

June- So the fun begins :D I began taking Spanish 2, my first class via FLVS. I also traveled up to Boston and began taking classes at BU as part of the High School Honors program. I met Jessica and Lucia.

July- I spent magical moments with my family, especially Jeanne and my baby cousins. I continued working my butt off for the summer program and watching plenty of my Red Sox on the telly, and at Fenway Park once. I also traveled to the Cape and to Maine. I continued wandering the city on the trains with my monthly pass. I took trips with my BU girls (Boston harbor cruise, shopping and the movies); as well as some solo excursions to Government Center and the Pru. My little cousins and Jeanne met me in Boston for a lovely day at the aquarium.

August- I took my exams and said goodbye to my beautiful family. I cried and cried and cried, but I knew that Jeanne's home would always be open to me. I received a B+ in both my classes. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it wasn’t the end of the world either. I came back to Florida, unhappily, and started school again. I rashly (as usual) decided to take Gov and Econ as AP classes online, to add on to 2 AP classes I was already taking, not to mention my honors classes.

September- I got back into the flow of school and began filling out the Common App. I even went to the first football game.

October- Homecoming, senior sale, and more football games! I came to appreciate my school a little better. I also continued reading the Harry Potter series (I was only on the 4th book). I said good-bye forever, to my amazing grandmother.

November- I applied Early Decision to Dartmouth and performed in the fall play. My performance was okey dokey and my birthday was the next day! I didn’t do anything special, but I turned legal ;) I saw Deathly Hallows at the midnight premiere with Toto and, oh my patronus, was it spectacular!! I saw it two days later with my brother for his birthday. Harry Potter, I will marry you. Hermione, I want to be you. I also built the best bridge ever.

December- I finished Order of the Phoenix, one of my favorite books ever. I read the amazing and emotional book that was Deathly Hallows, concluding my newly discovered love affair with the wizarding world. (Well, not really concluding, considering the fact that I'm already re-reading, and my dad keeps renting the movies)  I also got deferred to regular decision from Dartmouth, but I was more upset about Fred Weasley anyway. The rest of this month has been a  blur of rushing to finish my online exams. All of my actual school exams were a breeze. Oh, and I also discovered the phenomenon that is Starkid Potter and A Very Potter Musical :D. I had a lovely little Christmas with my brother, dad, grandpa, uncle Bryan, and family from Virginia (hardy-har-har) at my grandpa's house which is a couple hours away. I met my soon to be cousin in law

Well, entry is complete and I still don’t know what to do about my homework, but I actually feel a lot better.

Goodbye 2010 and sucks to your ass-mar! I have even better things coming my way! :D

Oh man, I almost forgot!

Books read in December-
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix- JK Rowling
The Giver- Lois Lowry
Artemis Fowl- Eoin Colfer
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince- JK Rowling
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows- JK Rowling

Currently reading- Little Women

Q. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them?
A. Um, no. That would be my father.

short & boring

QUOTE OF THE DAY

“There’s such a lot of different Anne’s in me. I sometimes think that is why I’m such a troublesome person. If I was just the one Anne it would be ever so much more comfortable, but then it wouldn’t be half so interesting.” -Anne of Green Gables
Just a quick update =)
Thanksgiving was nice .. I went to the beach and swam a few feet away from two dolphins.. Other than that it was work, work, work! Fortunately, I did get a lot done.. I'm living for Christmas break when I can just read and relax.. I have to complete a module for my online AP Calc class by December 15 which is definitely do-able; I just have to stay focused..
Also, my friend Toto and I plan to start a vlog once I get enough money to buy a camera, so that is definitely something to look forward to.
However, it is now past my bedtime, and I cannot get to sleep, and I have school tomorrow! Not good!

BOOKS READ IN NOVEMBER
A Separate Peace- John Knowles
The Lovely Bones- Alice Sebold
Dinner at the Homesick Restaurant- Anne Tyler
(Only 3, pathetic,  I know; however I might get another one finished before the end of the month)

Question of the day-

Do you like to use post-it notes?

 YES! They are the only object in existence that gives me hope that there might be some bit of capacity for organization tucked away inside of my brain.

ONE BIG OBNOXIOUS PITY PARTY (But I really do have so much to be thankful for)

QUOTE OF THE DAY!
“Do you need somebody, or do you need me? Oh, forget it, I don’t care.”- Lloyd Dobbler before he kisses Diane Court in Say Anything.

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Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and, instead of putting me in a thankful mood, it is having the opposite effect. Therefore, even though I have way too much work that I should be doing, I am going to write a blog. First, listing the reasons why I am not thankful, then finding some things I should be thankful for.

1. My stupid keyboard is sucking. I actually didn't plan on including my sucky keyboard, but since I am currently using it, the extreme suckiness and incapability of letting me type a word without slamming on the "n" (or really any other letter, for that matter. My keyboard knows no patterns or rhythms. My keyboard has no master. My keyboard is an unpredictable, bratty, three year old child) button 4 million times, has been brought to my attention. ALSO! On the note of my laptop, something is long with my laptop charger (I think). It won't charge unless I hold the cord at an angle. Right now, I have the cord taped, so I'm hoping that works until I can afford a new laptop or charger, because those things cost a hundred bucks (soo, six years?). Speak of the devil, my laptop just decided to stop charging again. I hate you, crappy unreliable computer. Whatevs, I unplugged it because I am not going to deal with it right now.BLAARRG! I wouldn’t care so much, if I wasn’t taking three classes online; but considering that, this computer is a necessity. ANYFREAKIN’WAYS!
(Oh goodness, this is going to take longer than I expected.)
2. Softball. I have mixed feelings about softball. On one hand, I’m so happy that I am actually going to play a sport my senior year. Since I screwed up my knee the summer between junior and sophomore years and had a surgery that resulted in staph infection, another surgery, an allergic reaction, unholy amounts of medication, an ulcer, losing 30 pounds that I kind of needed, ten days in the hospital, a tube entering in my arm and running through my vein and stopping at my chest, ruining the phony ACL that the first surgery implanted, and the pure exhaustion that resulted from the above mentioned things, I wasn’t sure if I was every going to play sports again. However, I decided to give it a go… and I completely suck.
Well, I’m actually doing better than I hoped for, and it’s not that I can’t throw or catch anymore, because I can, it’s just that I can’t freaking run like I used to. I mean, that has a lot to do with the big bulky brace encasing a third of my leg. It won’t let me bend my knee completely. I need it because I can feel my knee get wobbly when I’m turning the bases, but…. I want to be able to dive face first into the grass chasing a fly ball, roll around a few times, then spring up into a dead sprint, without worrying about snapping my barely-there ACL. I want to be able to slide into home plate on a wild pitch, feel the sting of my burned skin from the friction of the clay against my thigh, and breath in the dust around the plate, while the umpire screams safe, and the crowd cheers. Stuff like that used to happen to me, believe it or not. Now I doubt my coach would let me steal home, considering I would be out before I even got the chance to slide. So, I’m going to work on it. Because, it’s my senior year, dag-nabbit!, and I will get a starting position on the team, and I will be “good” at the game on some level, even though I’m a cripple. I would do so much better if I just tossed the brace, but I don’t feel like being screamed at by every relative and friend I have when I retear my ACL. Actually, it’s not an ACL. It’s a poser hamstring tendon, that’s pretending to be my ACL.
3. Softball part b. (featuring drama) Though I am happy I returned to softball, my theatre teacher is not. He doesn’t think I will be able to juggle both the sport and the spring musical. But Christa said that she is going to run track, so I’m going to play softball. I’ve talked to Coach Jay about it, and he doesn’t seem to think there will be a problem. I am just worried that he is going to give me a sucky role in the play because I’m not committed or something. That would be really obnoxious considering all of the practice sooomeeboddyyy missed last year (Hint: it wasn’t me…. This time).
4. My brother has just been screaming at me a lot lately. He’s been screaming a lot at everybody lately. It’s getting ridiculous. No bueno.
5. My dad, brother, and I are doing absolutely nothing this weekend. We usually go to my grandma’s house, but she passed away a month ago, and my grandpa would prefer to spend Thanksgiving alone. Even if we couldn’t do that, we would usually go to a church dinner or something, but my dad got himself kicked out of our old church. (Where all my friends are… Gosh, I miss them)

So, as you can see, instead of giving thanks, I am throwing ONE GIANT OBNOXIOUS PITY PARTY! (That statement just needed to be in caps)
Man, it’s nice ranting to a computer.
1. I’m thankful that I even have a laptop. If I didn’t I wouldn’t be able to take the extra classes that I’m taking, and they make my transcript look nice. =] So until I can afford a new computer, I will depend on duct tape and patience.
2. I’m actually on a TEAM! I’m actually playing a SPORT! I’m actually getting some physical EXERCISE! Why am I not completely psyched about that?!
3. *sigh* This is a tough one. I’m thankful that the fall play we did went so well, and I am thankful that I had the opportunity to play the role I did in that production. I am also thankful for the fun times I have had in drama, and the chance I have to be in the spring musical and possibly continue drama in college.
4. My brother, can be nice as well as pure spite and malice. He’s like one of those sour patch kids. First he’s sour, then he’s sweet. I am also thankful that he listens to me. When I explain to him why his behavior is wrong, he gets it.
4. Well, when I said NOTHING, I lied. We are planning on going to the beach. So I’m thankful that we live near a beach, and I’m thankful we have a car. I’m also thankful that my dad, and I have been getting along.
5. I had a grandma and mom that loved and cared about me so much.
*bonus!*
6. I am thankful for this GORGEOUS weather!!!
7. As always, I am very thankful for my cats.
8. I made a lot of new school friends this year, and I am thankful for them.
9. I am also thankful for my old buddies that have stuck with me through a bunch of crap (Toto, Sarah Rosie, and Joelle =])
10. I AM THANKFUL FOR HARRY POTTER BECAUSE THE SEVENTH MOVIE WAS AMAZING COMPARED TO THE LAST COUPLE WHICH THEY SCREWED UP!! AND OF COURSE THE BOOKS ARE FANTASTIC!
11. I am thankful that I got to spend the summer with my aunt. That was really, really nice and NEEDED change.
12. I am thankful for food. Who isn’t?
13. I am thankful that Timbo got me an awesome hat from Germany, which makes me feel like a wizard when I wear it.
14. I’m thankful that I am a starter on A team. Though right now, Moomahd and Chase might actually be doing better than me…
15. I am thankful for all of my aunts and uncles and cousins <3
16. I am thankful for music.
17. I am thankful that I have a house, with air conditioning, electricty, and running water.
Well, that’s enough procrastination and angry ranting for today, kids.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Have you ever stolen a street sign before?
No. How do you even do that? Honestly, that seems like it would be really difficult and not even worth the street sign.

JK Rowling is fantastic

QUOTE OF THE DAY!

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all." - JK Rowling

Oh gosh, I just fnished watching the JK Rowling/Oprah interview on youtube, and I cried. She truly is an amazing woman.
I go to Christian school, and I recently experienced for myself the world wide phenomenon that is Harry Potter. Now, I don't even try to hide my love for Harry Potter, so I hear a lot of junk from people at my school saying HP is Satanistic and such. It really is amazing how much people, especially Christians sometimes, can twist things. First of all, the Harry Potter books, while being funny and sometimes scary, contain some of the purest most beautiful elements that I have ever read. Ms. Rowling admits that the Harry Potter books would not exist if it was not for the death of her mother. A key theme in the series is the staying power of love. The love of Harry's mother saved his life, and, throughout the books, his parents continue to protect him, though they are dead. Harry's friendships also help him to cope and teach him huge lessons.
Ms. Rowling is also not afraid of recognizing evil. And why should she be? Evil exists.
It just amazes me that Rowling was able to take all of the pain she felt from the death of her mother and use it to create so many vivid characters, an entrancing story, and a totally new world.
I love her personality too. She says she is terrified of driving, and is still scared that if she isn't careful she could end up poor again. I have a lot of strange irrational fears as well, (including driving), as well.
I guess basically, I relate to her a lot (not including the billionaire and extrememly creative part). And she gives me hope =]
Oh, and as far as the religious opposition to Harry Potter, isn't it funny that she admits that parts of HP were allusions to the Bible? Also, she doesn't even believe in magic, so I really doubt she's trying to convert us all to witchcraft.
*sigh*
I would love to meet her one day and thank her. Harry Potter is a magnificent story and is helping me cope with my own mother's death.

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
Out!

Quote of the day:

Timmy- "You're so happy it makes me sick. Sometimes you're so happy it, like, makes me want to kill something." Referring to me. Thanks, best friend!

Other quote of the day:
" 'When you really love something, then it loves you back, in whatever way it has to love,' I didn't think that this was true, my seventeen years of experience had shown this to be much more false than true, but it was like every other thought and belief of Finny's: it should have been true."- A Separate Peace



Hello!
So Finny is becoming kind of strange in A Separate Peace. He refuses to believe that the war is even occuring. Hmm, I don't know Finny; I kind of liked you better before you turned bitter and delusional. Don't worry, though, I still love you.

Well, the Fine Arts Supplement for my application, (all of which is due on Monday... yikes) is coming along, though not as well as I had hoped.
I finished two monologues, Lady Macbeth and the Wicked Witch of the West, the next monologue I'm performing is a little longer than the other ones. I tried to video tape it tonight, but I kept fumbling over a word, or pausing for too long, or just making some obnoxious and sucky mistake. However, if I'm going to let Timmy edit the video I need to have everything worked out before the football game tomorrow. This means, Timmy and I will be doing a lot of work during our free period tomorrow. I know my lines, I just haven't practiced enought.
I think I'm crazy sending this video in. So many people have probably taken months to prepare their selections and practice. But, like every other decision I make, my choice to even submit the Fine Arts Supplement, was rash. I didn't even think over applying early decision. I have a, "Sure, why not?" attitude about too many things. I need to give myself time to weigh all of the pros and cons instead of thinking, 'Eh, what's the worst that can happen?' and plunging headlong into a decision. Sure, I see how my attitude may have some pros, but, honestly, I cause myself so much stress.
So here goes nothing...
Also, I've been working for Mr. Cooper while Shannon is gone. All I do is vacuum the halls and admire the portraits on the walls of the elementary hallway. Why don't we get pretty murals painted in our building? Seriously, no one is too mature for paintings of ice cream and manatees. There is one mural with these lamp posts that remidns me of Narnia... If only...
I have such a freakin busy weekend.
Tomorrow: school, football game
Sat.: Alzheimer's walk; scary movie night at Viv's
Sun: Church; senior pictures

And somewhere in there I need to wrap up the financial aid part of my application and figure out how to send an SAT subject test score report ANNDD try to get caught up with my online classes, one of which I am already behind by 4 weeks!! BLARG!

Maybe some day when my life is less like marathon through hell, I'll actually have time to develop a coherent thought to expound upon in this blog. Until then:

QUESTION OF THE DAY!

Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotel?
No.

Sore throats and literature

Tonight, while doing English homework, I realized something strange about myself. I sympathize more with Shakespeare’s character Macbeth than I do with Gene from A Separate Peace.
Macbeth, is a cruel murderous tyrant, and Gene is just a confused sixteen year old school boy. However, while reading Macbeth, I find myself pitying Macbeth, and even feeling sad when he finally does die. But now reading A Separate Peace (I’m only on chapter 7) I find myself loathing Gene.
I mean, Gene’s friend Finny seems pretty legit. He genuinely loves people, and tells Gene straight up that he is his best friend. But Gene is just consumed by this sickening jealousy and hatred of Finny. Friendship is one of the most beautiful gifts we have, but Gene is just “saving face” to Finny because he is intimidated by Finny’s apparent perfection. While Finny is so honest to Gene!! Arg, it makes me mad!
And, yes, I realize that Macbeth is evil, but he started out so noble. If someone like that can become corrupted so easily, aren’t we all in danger? So, yes, despite the cold-blooded murders I still find this character redeemable. He learns his lesson at the end, doesn’t he? “And all our yesteryears have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow.” The power that he so yearned for proved to be empty and brought him only death.
Anyways, now that we are over the mawkish gooeyness of the wonders of literature, I went to the doctor’s for my throat today!
I have giant tonsils, and my doctor wants my dad to listen to me while I sleep in case my tonsils prevent me from breathing!
I’m sorry; that’s just weird.
I’ve had big tonsils, and I haven’t stopped breathing yet! I love my doctor, though. She is AMAZING!
I also got a weird nose spray and amoxicillin, because I might have strep.

Dartmouth app due in: 5 more days (You hear that thud? That was me. Falling over dead.)

RANDOM QUESTION OF THE DAY!

 1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
Whatever. I’m unpredictable like that.

I stayed home from school today on account of my sore throat and swollen tonsils, even though my throat has been just as sore and my tonsils have been just as swollen the past ten days. Oh well, I'm taking care of myself now :P. I have a doctor appointment tomorrow afternoon, where hopefully I will get the antibiotics so my sore throat will go away.
I had a dream last night about my grandma and grandpa. My grandma was alive, but still sick. I hate those dreams, I still have them about my mom too. I always wake up thinking she is alive, then realize, that she's not. My grandma died exactly a week ago 12:00 a.m. today. Maybe that's exactly what time I had my dream?
It's so easy to hide from my grandma's death. I only used to see her every couple of months, so I can still pretend she is alive. I don't have any pictures of her lying around.. The only things I have to remind me of her are the pile of old books that belonged to her, that my grandpa gave me, and that stupid broken door hanger from Africa. I would let that stupid thing get broken. I hate myself. I'm so careless.

I miss my grandma a lot.Now that I'm actually thinking about it, facing her death. My dad said something to me about her obituary being online. It wasn't until he said that to me today that I realized that she's actually gone.

I want her back.

There is absolutely no one in the world like my grandma. Such an amazing story teller. Always so sure about herself. She could laugh at anything. She had such a beautiful mind. Such quick, imaginative thoughts. She loved beauty, art, and culture, and poetry, and literature. That's something my grandma and I shared together our deep love for literature.

So she really is actually gone.

In my dream, my grandma was standing and walking but she seemed very small and thin. She was still dying. My grandpa wore a grim smile. He was sad but resolute. Just like he was in real life, but happier. In real life, when she was lying in the hospital bed, I refused to believe she would die. I kept her mouth moist and her skin moisturized, knowing that inside of this dying body, lay a beautiful, strong soul that I love, thinking she would emerge any second. In the end, my grandma wanted to die. She was done fighting. She saw herself as old and ready to die. She said she had lived her life. How could my grandma want to be dead??? How could she want to leave all of us behind??

In the dream my grandpa and I recited Shakespeare together:
"Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day
To the last syllable of recorded time. Out, out brief candle
Life's but a walk shadow, a poor player
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage
And is heard no more. It is a tale
Told by an idiot. Full of sound and fury
Signifying nothing."

In other news, I have to memorize more of Macbeth and recite it for the DVD I'm sending to Dartmouth, if I even get the DVD finished in time. And, honestly, I don't even care if I do.

I am super, super, super, super bored.

SOOO MUCH FREAKING HOMEWORK

My mind is slowly decaying into a mound of derivitives.

Not that I mind derivatives (I do mind the spelling, because obviously I have no idea how to spell the word). It's just doing about 50 problems involoving derivytives = death.

Now, that I have conquered d3r3vuhtivs, I need to go do AP Gov stuff.

Yuck.

In other news, I have had swollen tonsils and a sore throat for 10 days. According to my dad, I'm sick because I haven't taken care of myself.....
.........
........
How did he suggest I take better care of myself?
Gargle with salt water.

?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!